We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
