were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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