Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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