Ambien. No doubt about it.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
