OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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