so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
