Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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