i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
