I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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