why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
