I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
