It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
