Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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