beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
