Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She even gives head with a lisp.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
