Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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