I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it