I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml