I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra