i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
