Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
