Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
