He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
