Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
