Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
