even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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