If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
