Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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