i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
