she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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