i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
