my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
