'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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