your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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