the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
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