I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
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Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
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Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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