sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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