Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
