If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
its liver damage thursday
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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