Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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