Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
