just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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