We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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