My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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