Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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