I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's always time for handjobs
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
