careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
