on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
