Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
