Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
