I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
im holly from the hills drunk
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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