i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
