And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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