Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
