after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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