playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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