I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Randomize
