Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
