i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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