Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
