are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I can text with my tongue
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
