That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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