yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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