Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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