My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
