We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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