I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I have tasted many bathrooms
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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