I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
