at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
