Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize