How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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