can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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