apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
