i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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