She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize